i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
