I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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