How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
