Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
