the condom got lost in my hair
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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