I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
