North Korea, Best Korea!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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