Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
