In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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