I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
