Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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