I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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