drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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