I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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