covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
