I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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