I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So drunk its hurt
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
