I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
