Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
