Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
