evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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