dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
