listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
