walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
