The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
