When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
