I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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