She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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