you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
