weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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