This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
