You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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