i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
