I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
