who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
