This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
