and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
