Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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