pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Actions speak louder than pants.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
