no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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