New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
