Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
