If i come over, it means nothing
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize