ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
