There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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