They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
