what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
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