Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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