dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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