Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
