I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
