My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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