Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Randomize
