i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We got so high we made milksteak
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
