woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
