When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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