This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
handjob tips. give me some.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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