i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She bit a glass in half.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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