I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
