I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
