I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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