I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
he's single and there are thong briefs.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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