New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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