there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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