everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Did I show you my penis last night?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize