one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
