I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
