did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize