I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I skipped work to stalk him.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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