he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
