I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
