I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
