i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
