so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
