i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
