I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
