the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
