So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
