I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
