we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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