from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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