well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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