Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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