I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
